


Behind Closed Doors

by PJ2



Series: Jonch [4]
Category: CHiPs (TV)
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Drama, Family, M/M, Mpreg, Nightmares, Physical Abuse, Romance, current day setting, feelings of failure, withdrawal from family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9631400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PJ2/pseuds/PJ2
Summary: Jon is going through something rough, but he's not opening up to anyone for help...not even Ponch. As it goes on Jon gets worse, and becomes angry with himself...what's he trying to hide? Can Ponch help him...or is Ponch gonna need to get some help too?





	1. Chapter 1

Jon was tossing and turning in bed, he couldn’t seem to get comfortable. He was partially awake still, and slightly jealous when he looked over and saw Ponch sleeping just fine. _‘Maybe that’s my problem…’_ he thought. _‘I need Ponch…”_  without warning Jon just grabbed Ponch and pulled him close. This sudden movement woke up Jon’s very sleepy husband.

“J-Jon?” Ponch asked tiredly wondering what that was all about.

“Sorry…I can’t sleep…” Jon started.

“So you slammed my body into yours? Like that’s gonna help…” Ponch started to pull away, but then Jon just pulled him closer squeezing him tighter. “Okay, okay I’ll stay,” Ponch said with a laugh.

“I’m already feeling a little more comfortable,” Jon started.

“Maybe you need some warm milk…or hot coca…that puts me to sleep right away…”

“So that’s why you always drink that before bed!” Jon said pushing Ponch off of him. He didn’t realize how hard he had pushed until he saw Ponch getting up off the floor.

“Yeah…that’s why I do it…” he said rubbing his now sore back that had hit the bedside table. “I’ll go get you something since I’m up you just lay back down.”

“No, you lay down I’ll get you an ice pack while I’m up,” Jon said feeling slightly bad about pushing Ponch out of bed.

Ponch looked at him. “You don’t have to…” he started.

“Well I want to,” Jon replied heading for the door.

“Okay, well be quiet don’t wake up the kids…or the dog,” Ponch ordered.

Jon nodded and rolled his eyes, as if he didn’t know that already. He walked out of the room and walked quietly to the kitchen.

A few seconds later Ponch’s phone vibrated ‘does the milk have to be warm?’ it was from Jon.

Ponch rolled his eyes and got out of bed, for some reason he just didn’t trust Jon out there. He walked out to the kitchen and grabbed a cup and put it on the counter. “Sit down, Jon,” he said pointing to a chair.

Jon did as he was told. Soon he was handed a glass of milk.

“The temperature really doesn’t matter…warm milk is honestly nasty,” Ponch told him sitting down.

“Yeah?”

Ponch nodded. Soon Sadie walked into the room. “Well you got the dog up,” Ponch told Jon with a slightly smile as he pet Sadie then hugged her.

“Sorry…uh how’s your back?”

“It’s fine, Jon…just a little sore.”

“Sorry…”

“It’s fine, I forgive you it was an accident…I mean you didn’t try to hurt me…you just were in a hurry to find something to help you sleep.”

“Yeah…it still shouldn’t have happened. I could’ve been more careful,” Jon said putting his cup down on the table.

“Well just be happy it was me that you pushed off the bed, okay?”

“Why should I be happy for that? I love you I don’t want to push you off the bed…” Jon started.

“Because if you pushed one of the kids off the bed and hurt them you’d be dead,” Ponch replied.

Jon couldn’t help but laugh slightly. “Come on, Ponch you would’ve forgiven me at some point, wouldn’t you?”

“Well…maybe…but I wouldn’t have forgiven as fast.”  

“Thanks…” Jon muttered.

Ponch looked at him. “Hey, you feeling any better? I think you’re ready to go back to bed,” Ponch said after letting go of Sadie, who he’d been hugging for a while now. He got up and grabbed Jon’s hand. “Come on,” he said leading him to the bedroom. “Get comfy I’ll join you in a few minutes.” With that Ponch left the room to go check on the kids.

CHPCHPCHP

When Ponch returned he got in bed beside Jon and cuddled up to him, falling asleep almost instantly.

Jon had fallen asleep, but in the middle of the night his dream went bad, he was having a nightmare and once again Ponch was pushed off the bed, and Jon was screaming and crying in his sleep as well as pushing and shoving.

Ponch was woke up instantly by the sudden feeling of his body hitting the floor, at first he was pretty pissed off at Jon, he thought it would never happen again, but when he looked up at Jon on the bed and saw what a mess he was his heart broke. He rushed over to the other side of the bed and grabbed Jon, shaking him. “Jon! Jon wake up!” it took a few attempts before Jon actually did wake up, and when he was awake Ponch was very worried and shook up from what happened.

“A-A-Are you…okay?” he asked trying his best to keep his voice steady but it kept wavering.

“P-Ponch?” Jon asked confused he didn’t know what just happened.

“Jon, is…is…everything okay?”  Ponch asked.

Jon just pulled Ponch close into his arms tight in a hug and began crying. “Ponch…I’m sorry…”

Ponch didn’t know what else to do, he just hugged Jon too.

CHPCHPCHP

The next morning Ponch was asleep on the couch, and Jon was in bed. Jon didn’t remember the events that led up to this…but when he got up in the morning and found Ponch asleep on the couch he thought Ponch was mad at him.

When Ponch woke up an hour later he was really sore. He went to go see Todd before anyone else though…naturally just because Todd was the youngest. Ponch came out of Todd’s room a few minutes later holding Todd in his arms, and soon felt Jon’s hand on his shoulder. He turned.

“Oh…hey, are you feeling better?”

“Huh?” Jon asked confused.

“Last night you had a few nightmares…and you had a terrible time falling asleep.”

“Why’d you sleep on the couch…?”

“You pushed me off the bed a few times…and scared me to death…you ended up forcing me to sleep on the couch cuz you didn’t want me to get hurt.”

“Oh…”

“Jon, are you okay?” Ponch asked concerned.

“I don’t know…”

Ponch stared at him for a while. “Well if you feel up to it, we’ve got work today.”

“Alright I’ll get ready,” Jon said walking off.

Ponch watched him walk away, but was wondering what was going on, something wasn’t right with Jon…he hoped it wasn’t anything too serious he wanted Jon to just be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ponch gets in a small accident.

Ponch was ready for work, and waiting for Jon.

Jon was just getting out of the shower. He looked in the mirror as he adjusted his uniform shirt.  

Ponch was sitting on the couch, Jillian and Tyler beside him, Todd on his lap and Jess sitting beside Tyler. Sadie laid on the floor by Ponch’s feet. Ponch felt very comfortable, and he didn’t want to leave, that was a feeling he got every morning after hanging out with his kids so long. They were sitting there watching Winnie the Pooh.

When Jon entered the room and saw his whole family gathered together on the couch he felt a sting of pain inside of him. He hated himself for not joining them as much as he should, it seemed like he was working so much…and though it was hard to work out with the sergeant Ponch made sure that he had the weekend off every week so he could be with the kids…Jon on the other hand…well he worked on the weekend. He didn’t like having to see that fight that Ponch had to go through to get his new schedule worked out so he could be home with their young children when he wanted to. Ponch was slightly upset that Jon didn’t join him…but what the heck he let it go.

Jon had kept it bottled up inside for so long now, but it was starting to surface slowly, and he wasn’t ready for what was to come. He’d been feeling like a failure, like he’d never be the perfect father, or the dad that Ponch wished Jon would be…more times than he could count he’d gotten that look from Ponch…that look of ‘well I wish you were doing more’ but Jon thought he’d been doing just enough. He worked hard every day, brought home money to help feed and clothe them…helped pay the bills…he helped out tremendously with the money part. Of which Ponch helped out as well also going to work each day though he wished he could stay home.

The one thing that Jon didn’t do though was spend quality time with the kids…the kids knew what Jon looked liked like…what he talked like…but they didn’t know what it was like to hang out with him for a long period of time. They didn’t get that same enjoyable experience with him that Ponch did. It was as if Jon didn’t want the kids, he just wanted Ponch.

Ponch wanted the kids, and Jon knew it…Jon thought he’d wanted the kids ever since the day that Ponch told Jon he was pregnant with the twins. Jon was supportive all throughout the pregnancy, and then after they were born he wasn’t ready for all the time and energy they were gonna take…Jon felt like he was pushed aside slightly after Todd was born. Having the twins, adopting Jess and then having Todd they had their hands full…well more like Ponch had his hands full.

Ponch spent a lot of time with the kids, and the only real time Jon spent with Ponch away from them was at work or in the bedroom. Jon was growing tired of it, he’d made so many mistakes and over and over Ponch forgave him and brushed it off like it was nothing.

It wasn’t just life at home that was getting Jon down, work was hard as well. The world just wasn’t as nice as it used to be, and things were starting to get rough. Lately Jon had been having nightmares about work, going into work today he was afraid of what was to come.

If someone were to attack him that was fine…but if someone laid a hand on Ponch…he’d never forgive them. True Ponch could defend himself…but Jon had a funny feeling a time would come where it would be hard. Ponch was smaller than Jon, by height and weight he always had been, yet even though he was smaller than Jon he somehow seemed stronger. Maybe because he worked out more than Jon did…who knows, but all Jon knew was that if it was too hard for Ponch it might be too hard for Jon. But the both of them together could take it. That’s not how it went down in his dreams though…

Jon was suddenly broken from his thoughts as Ponch hopped up off the couch and rushed over to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around Jon in a hug.

The kids all stared at them, instead of the TV most kids thought it was gross when their parents kissed…but these kids…well they pretty much felt the same way all except Jess who thought it was the most amazing thing ever.

Jon and Ponch were in the middle of a kiss when the doorbell rang.

“Babysitter is here,” Ponch said pulling away almost breathless.

“Okay, it’s time to go then,” Jon said.

Ponch said goodbye to each of the kids then gave some instructions to the babysitter.

As soon as they pulled away from the house on their motorcycles Ponch looked back like he normally did. “I don’t…” he started but then stopped. “Never mind I guess it’s fine…I think I trust her,” he said.

“Well let’s hope so she’s been doing this for four months now,” Jon said.

Ponch made a face at him then didn’t say much till a little while later when they were stopped at a red light. “Are you sure you’re doing okay? You’re awfully quiet.”

“You’ve been pretty quiet yourself, Ponch,” Jon shot back.

Ponch looked at Jon shocked at how fast his temper had flared up just with one simple question. “Geeze, I’m sorry for caring about you, I’ll make sure to keep my mouth shut next time I’m worried,” Ponch said as soon as the light turned green so that way he could leave after saying that. He sped up and changed lanes getting farther away from Jon.

Jon mentally was beating himself up for snapping at Ponch. He sped up to catch up with him. When he was beside him again he saw Ponch glance over to the side once just to look at Jon, then quickly look away pretending that he didn’t notice Jon was there.

Jon bit back a smile the way Ponch was when he was upset was amusing at times. “Look, Ponch I’m sorry…I don’t mind you worrying about me,” Jon apologized.

Ponch turned his head to look at Jon. “Really? You sure seemed like it was a crime.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I just…” Jon started but then his eyes got wide. “Ponch, watch out!” Jon yelled.

A car came barreling around the corner so fast it was hard to even have a reaction time, and that car was in the wrong lane.

Ponch hearing Jon yell was able to have a bit of a reaction he swerved to the side. The car that was coming at him panicked and slammed on the brakes, the car slid and when it came to a stop it was sideways blocking Ponch’s path, and he crashed and was thrown from his bike. His body hit the car and was flipped over a few times before he hit the pavement on the other side. Jon just watched the whole thing in horror. He called it in then rushed over tears already filling his eyes as he knelt beside his injured partner.

“Ponch!? Ponch can you hear me!?” Jon checked for a pulse and a wave of relief washed over him when he found one.

The guy that was driving the car got out and rushed over. “Is…is he okay? I didn’t mean to hit him I’m sorry,” he said.

Jon ignored him as he held Ponch’s hand talking to him telling him he was gonna be okay. He saw Ponch’s eyes slightly open. “Ponch, it’s gonna be alright, don’t worry,” Jon assured.

CHPCHPCHP

Ponch ended up being okay, just a few broken ribs and a broken arm.

Jon was thankful that Ponch was alright.

“Jon, I’ll be home with the kids for a few weeks now…” Ponch said.

“That’s nice, they’ll like that…but you need to be carefully and don’t do too much because you need to relax and heal,” Jon said.

Ponch nodded.

Jon smiled. “I’m just glad you’re okay,” Jon said hugging him. Jon had tears in his eyes as he held Ponch close in his arms he didn’t want anything more to happen to him…though Jon still couldn’t shake that feeling this was just the beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon has a rough day.

Jon was sitting in the briefing room staring at his cup of coffee early the next day. All he could think about was his family. Ponch was at home asleep on the couch with Todd when Jon left. Jess, Jillian, and Tyler were all sitting around playing with Sadie and their toys.

Jon stared into his coffee cup, visions of last nights dream still in his mind as well and for some reason just playing out as if on a TV show that he was watching in his coffee. It was so real to him what he was seeing…though it wasn’t really in his coffee cup he was staring at his coffee and having a daydream of last night’s nightmare.

_Ponch and Jon were pulled over on the side of the road ready to walk up to the front of the dodge charger to write the guy a ticket for speeding. Ponch had to finishing making some joke with Jon first before he walked off though. As Ponch cautiously approached the door it started to open._

_“Sir, please get back in the car,” Ponch said._

_The man ignored him still getting out._

_“Sir I’m gonna ask you nicely one last time please get back in the vehicle,” Ponch said._

_Still ignored…Jon stood nearby ready to help if needed though he knew it was gonna be needed he could tell._

_The man came closer to Ponch. “Sir, back up,” Ponch ordered._

_The man ignored him, the second his hands touched Ponch, Jon knew he had to do something._

_The man had tackled Ponch to the ground. “You’re not writing me a ticket today, piggy,” he said raising his fist and then slamming it down in Ponch’s face. He tried to do it again but this time Ponch was ready and moved his head out of the way. As soon as the man’s hand hit the concrete and he was in pain Ponch used that as his chance to slip out from underneath him and get on top to handcuff the guy. But as Ponch moved out from underneath he felt another hand from behind grab him and hold him still. Laying him face down on the ground then pulling the handcuffs out of his gun belt and handcuffing Ponch._

_Jon for some reason couldn’t move, it was as if his feet had been glued to the ground and he was forced to just stand there and watch as Ponch was beaten on, and handcuffed._

_As the man was straightening up from bending down to handcuff Ponch, Ponch used his foot to sweep the guy off his feet and knock him on his butt. As soon as the guy hit the ground Ponch stood up seeing both guys on the ground. He knew Jon had keys to unlock the handcuffs so he was gonna go over to Jon for help…but of course since it was Ponch he was probably wondering why Jon wasn’t helping him._

_Jon was wondering the same thing. Why couldn’t he help Ponch? Instead he just had to stand there and watch._

_Ponch was starting to make his way over to Jon when suddenly he felt a hand grab his ankle and pull him to the ground._

_“You’re not going anywhere,” the man said._

_“This isn’t fair…take the handcuffs off so I can actually fit back,” Ponch said._

_The man looked at his partner both of them silently having a conversation with their eyes about it. Soon the handcuffs were removed._

_Jon just stood and watched as Ponch tried to handcuff that guy, and that guy just beat on Ponch and they wrestled and it was just a fight to see who could get on top. The man then pulled out a knife._

_“NO!” Jon cried as the knife was shoved towards Ponch barely missing him…._

CHPCHPCHP

“Jon! Jon! Wake up!” Grossie shook Jon.

Jon shook his head slightly trying to bring himself back to reality. Ponch was at home…yeah he was injured but it was just a small accident…he was gonna be okay, and he was happy to be home with the kids.

Jon looked at Grossie. “I think I’m losing it,” he muttered.

“No, you’re just having nightmares still…Ponch told me. It’s nothing to be ashamed of everyone has nightmares at some point in their life time,” Grossie said.

Jon just looked at him unsure what to say. To be completely honest Jon was getting angry with himself over these nightmares. They shouldn’t be hurting him so much, and they were getting to personal.

CHPCHPCHP

Jon came home from work that day and was exhausted, depressed, and pissed off. All three of those mixed together could prove to be very dangerous.

“Hey, Jon! I’m glad you’re home,” Ponch said giving him a hug.

Jon didn’t even hug back.

“Are you…okay?” Ponch asked letting go.

“I’m fine,” Jon said walking past him towards the bedroom.

Ponch followed him all the way. “Jon…” he started.

Jon turned so fast and abruptly it scared Ponch and he almost fell over. “Ponch I’m fine, leave me alone!” Jon said raising his voice as he slammed the bedroom door in Ponch’s face.

Ponch blinked back tears. “Okay…” he walked away from their bedroom and over into Todd’s room. All of the kids were gathered in there because they were playing with Todd.

Ponch leaned against the wall then slowly slid down to the floor.

Tyler crawled over to Ponch seeing how upset he looked when he’d entered the room. “Mommy?” he asked hugging him.

“Yeah?”

“You and Daddy fight?”

“Kinda…Daddy is upset and I don’t know why,” Ponch replied hugging Tyler.

Jess and Jillian also crawled over to Ponch to hug him and comfort him. Todd was thinking about it.

Ponch had tears in his eyes. Jess kept drying them. “Don’t cry, Mommy,” she said hugging him.

Ponch smiled slightly how’d he get so lucky to have such caring and sweet kids?

CHPCHPCHP

Jon was in the room laying on the bed staring at the ceiling just overflowing with anger. Why was he so mad though? He was mad that he couldn’t open up to Ponch, mad that he didn’t get these special moments with his children like Ponch did, mad that he was starting to turn into an uncaring jerk, and mad that the only other thing on his mind besides being pissed off at himself was that he wished he could be having sex with Ponch right now. Jon shook his head and slammed it down over and over on the bed.

“What is wrong with you!?” Angry tears streamed down his face he stood up and walked over to the mirror that Ponch had insisted they hang up on the wall. He stood there and stared at his reflection angry with who he was becoming. “Jon you’re not supposed to be like this. You’re supposed to live a happy life, sure it isn’t perfect, but you’re not supposed to hate it. You chose to have kids with Ponch…and you chose to marry him…you can’t be upset about that decision now. Ponch is so happy why are you so mad? You knew that he was gonna spend time with them too, you don’t need to steal all of his time!” Jon scolded himself in the mirror.

“And why do you worry so much? Ugh I hate myself! I’m failing miserably at my job as a parent and a good husband I might as well just give up, call it quits and leave this earth forever I can’t do anything right. I can’t even sleep through the night without having a nightmare and pushing Ponch off the bed.”

Soon there was a knock on the door. Jon was looked at the clock it was nine the kids were most likely all put to bed and Ponch was ready to come in for the night. Jon wasn’t ready for that though. In fact Jon was hiding in here because he knew that if he came into contact with anyone right now he might end up hurting someone.

The door wasn’t locked though so he couldn’t hold them back for too long.

Jon sat on the edge of the bed angry tears in his eyes. “Why is this happening to me? I need to get away from here…I need to clear my head…and I need to get some help,” Jon told himself that was the most calm thing he’d said all night.

Soon the door opened.

“Hey, Jon…the kids are all in bed…but Todd wanted to say goodnight,” Ponch said walking in. He figured Jon was cooled off by now and asleep actually. But when he walked in he was shocked at what he saw.

Ponch stood frozen unable to move as he stared at Jon. “Are…you…” he started.

Jon’s head shot up quickly and he looked at Ponch. “No, No I’m not okay, Ponch. I’m not okay…and I don’t know when I ever will be so stop asking,” he said.

Ponch was quiet.

Jon stood up he tried to keep himself calm so he could say goodnight to his son and then let him go to bed. As soon as Jon got over there though…as soon as Jon saw him that same feeling of failure and rage filled him.

“No…I can’t do it…just take him to bed he doesn’t need to say goodnight to me,” Jon said starting to turn away.

“But Jon, you’re his dad…of course he wants to…” Ponch started.

“Ponch he’s not even a year old yet! He can’t talk how is he gonna say goodnight to me!” Jon snapped.

Ponch blinked. “Jon, he might not be able to talk but he can still get a hug and a kiss from you…” Ponch replied as calmly as he could manage though his voice was starting to grow shaky.

Jon got closer and Ponch backed up. He kept backing up until finally Jon had Ponch up against the wall…this was not the way Jon had wanted things to go, and though he was doing everything himself he didn’t really realize what was going on.

He grabbed Ponch by the arms. “How would you know what he wants? What if he just wants to be left alone like I do!?”

Ponch was too shook up to answer that question.

Jon stared at Ponch. “I don’t know why you even bother to talk to me anymore. You forgive me still even when I make a big mistake…you treat it like it was nothing, you know I suck at this whole dad thing and it’s like you’re constantly finding new ways to show me!” Jon yelled in his face.

“Jon…you…you’re a…good…dad…”

Jon without even thinking about it slapped Ponch in the face. “Don’t you lie to me. You know I’m not good at it!”

Ponch rubbed his now sore cheek. “Jon…”

Jon once again grabbed Ponch and started shaking him. “Stop lying to me!”

“Jon stop, please!” Ponch cried hugging Todd tightly hoping Jon wouldn’t do anything to him.

Todd was starting to cry, after Ponch had been shaken and slammed into the wall and slapped a few times.

Hearing Todd crying, and Ponch begging him to stop Jon started to realize what was going on, his anger had gotten a hold of him.

“Oh my gosh…Ponch I’m…I’m so sorry…” Jon said.

“Jon…I don’t know what your problem is…but I’m glad you didn’t touch my baby,” Ponch said walking out of the room.

CHPCHPCHP

Jon sat on the edge of the bed waiting for Ponch to return it took a long time, but he finally did return. He wasn’t talking to Jon.

He went over to the other side of the room over to the closet and pulled out his pj’s a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt then went back to the bed to lay down.

Jon tried to give him a hug, but Ponch pushed him away. “Don’t touch me, Jon.”

“Ponch, I’m sorry…” Jon said.

“Jon I’m scared…I don’t know what’s wrong with you…”

“Please can I touch you?”

“Why’s it so important?” Ponch asked.

Jon scooted closer. “Did I hurt you?”

“You hit hard…you scared me to death…slamming me into the wall wasn’t exactly a fun experience Jon I felt like I wasn’t even with you…”

“Ponch I’m sorry…”

“Jon, I think you need help.” Ponch rolled over his back turned to Jon.

Jon was once again starting to get angry, he was apologizing why was Ponch being so difficult. He grabbed Ponch and forcefully turned him around, forgetting that Ponch was already injured.

“Ow…Jon…Jon my arm…” Ponch had tears welling up in his eyes.

“You can’t just ignore me. I’m trying to talk to you! You wanted to talk earlier,” Jon said.

Ponch squirmed. “Jon…stop please you’re hurting me.”

Jon was holding him down. After a few minutes of Ponch screaming, Jon finally realized again what he was doing.

He let go. “No…no…what am I doing…” he moved away. “Ponch something is seriously wrong with me…I can’t even control myself…”

Ponch looked at Jon trying to relax his breathing his eyes wide as he stared at Jon. “I’ll help you…I want my Jon back…” he said tears in his eyes.

“Thanks…but I don’t know how you can help me…”

“Well first you gotta tell me what’s going on…maybe telling someone instead of keeping it inside will help…”

“It’s not gonna help…you’ll just be mad at me…or you might think badly of me. I’m not telling you…” Jon said then rolled over.

“Jon?” Ponch asked moving closer suddenly not afraid Jon seemed to have calmed down enough. “Jon you can talk to me, I love you I wanna know what’s going on. I’d never think badly of you…you’re going through something rough and need help.”

Jon rolled over and put his arms around Ponch. “Let me hold you…please?”

Ponch didn’t protest he just remained silent wondering what was wrong with Jon. Was cuddling gonna calm him down enough to talk about it? He sure hoped so.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Jon woke up with Ponch still in his arms, and Jon’s hand were sweaty and his eyes tear stained. He was still upset. “I can’t believe I hurt you last night…I’m such an idiot…I’m not helping anything here I’m just making life harder,” Jon said quietly.

Ponch softly kissed Jon on the cheek. “Jon, you’re not making life harder. Everyone goes through their own struggles sometime…maybe you just need to try to relax…I mean you seem really stressed.”

“Relax!? How can I?” Jon could hear his voice raising and he could sense Ponch tensing up.

“Jon, look I don’t know what you’re going through right now…maybe it’s just stress…do you need a break?” Ponch asked. He was talking about work related stress not even thinking about home…but Jon was on a different page.

“Yes, yes I do need a break. I’m failing at my job here, Ponch.”

“Job here?” Ponch asked getting a little worried about where this was going.

“Yeah, my role as a father…I’m failing miserably. I can’t seem to do anything right anymore…I almost hurt Todd last night…I can’t even talk to my kids,  because I don’t know how…”

“Jon they are really young it can be difficult to figure out how to talk to them sometimes…there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Ponch you’re good with them…you’ve always been good with kids…and I knew from the minute I found out you were pregnant the first time that you were gonna be a great parent and you’re proving me right…you said I’d be a good dad and that’s where you’re wrong. I suck at this.”

“Well Jon you’re just starting out everyone makes mistakes…don’t give up now just because you might’ve made a mistake. Learn from that and grow, become better…don’t give up.”

“Ponch you believe in me so much…I just can’t do this.”

“Can’t do it? Jon…you wanted to have kids…” Ponch pulled away from Jon so that he could see him a little better not just staring at one part of him, but his whole face. “You wanted to get married and have kids…we have kids…and now you don’t want them?”

“It’s not that I don’t…” Jon started knowing Ponch wouldn’t understand. “Sometimes I need a break…” Jon said.

“A break? Are you kidding me? That’s the funnies thing I’ve heard from you ever because last I knew you barely spent any time with them.  You get home from work exhausted and just lounge around or find something else to do…you never ask if I need any help with them. I spend a lot more time taking care of them than you do. Yeah sure you help out with money and everything but other than that you don’t do much to help with them…Jon sometimes it feels like you’re not there…”

“Oh yeah? You wanna see what it’s really like if I’m not there? You wanna be a single parent, Ponch? I can leave for good if you want.”

“Jon that’s not what I meant, and you know that.”

Jon let out a frustrated sigh. “Then what did you mean?”

“I mean that maybe if you spent more time with the kids you’d find you actually enjoy them…and maybe you’d finally fix that feeling of failure. You’re not failing…at least not yet.”

Jon let that sink in. What did Ponch mean by that last part? Jon was a little confused but he wasn’t going to admit it. Jon thought it over. “Alright I’ll take the day off today. You go to work I’ll stay home with the kids.”

Ponch smiled slightly. “Are you serious?” he asked that was like the most amazing thing he’d ever heard.

“Yes I’m serious now get going.”

CHPCHPCHP

When Ponch came home he found the babysitter there. He was confused. “Where’s Jon?” he asked.

“Oh…he had a fit earlier…he called and asked to take care of the kids…he’s in his room trying to cool off. If you ask me I think Jon needs a lesson in childcare.”

Ponch rolled his eyes then headed for the bedroom. He knew Jon knew how to take care of kids, and he knew that Jon could handle taking care of the kids…he took care of them a lot in the past…well with Ponch’s help too…it seemed like they were falling apart, and Ponch was ready to get to the bottom of it, and fast.

He walked into the bedroom without even knocking this time, and found Jon in front of the mirror anger as ever yelling at himself for apparently having kicked the dog and made the kids upset…then he got mad at the kids…and he took his anger out on Tyler.

Jon’s hands were shaking. “I’m a monster…I’m not a father…I’m a wicked, evil monster…”

Ponch’s eyes were wide, he closed the door, then slowly approached Jon.

“J-J-Jon…what happened?” Ponch asked.

Jon turned so quickly it made Ponch jump. The look in Jon’s eyes made a shiver run down his spine he shouldn’t be afraid of his husband, but right now he was. Jon grabbed Ponch and shook him. “Why would you even let me stay home alone with them!? I could’ve killed them! Ponch I’m a terrible person!” He threw Ponch to the floor.

“Jon, calm down, please I just want to talk to you,” Ponch said trying to remain calm.

“Staying calm hasn’t helped a bit in the past, Ponch.”

Ponch started to get up, but soon was kicked in the stomach and back on the ground. “Stay down, if you know what’s best for you.”

“Jon, what is going on, please just tell me. I know it’s more than what you’re telling me. It can’t all just be family that’s causing you to act like this. What happened, tell me please I wanna help you.”

“Ponch I have to get away from here. The help I need isn’t coming from here.”

“What? You can’t…” Ponch started.

Jon had a bag packed. Ponch’s eyes grew wide with horror and fear mixed together. “JON DON’T LEAVE ME!” he screamed.

He grabbed onto Jon and was pushed away.

“I have to go.”

“No, Jon I can help you please just stay.”

Jon didn’t even say another word he pushed Ponch away again. Though he was wobbly when he stood at first he remained standing. “Where are you gonna go?”

“I’m not telling you…you’ll follow me…” Jon said.

“Jon please…” Ponch had tears in his eyes.

This was the hardest thing in the world for Jon, but he’d made up his mind he wasn’t going to hurt his family anymore…he was going to let them live in peace…and that wouldn’t happen with him around. Ponch by now had fallen and grabbed a hold of Jon’s ankle and Jon was dragging Ponch across the floor with each step. “Jon don’t leave me, please!”

“Ponch let go of me. I’m going…I’ll be back…maybe I don’t know when.”

“You have to come back…we’re your family…”

Jon was torn up inside. He hated having to leave like this. He helped Ponch to his feet and hugged him. He kissed him softly on the forehead. “I love you…and because of that it’s for the best that I leave now before you get hurt.” With those final words Jon disappeared out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

It was hard having Jon gone for even a second…not because Ponch needed Jon to be there every second of the day, but because Ponch wasn’t sure when Jon would be coming back…or if he ever would be.

Shelly kept the kids under control while Ponch was cooling off. Finally Ponch came to Shelly. “Jon said that he hurt the dog…then he took his anger out on Tyler…did he lay a hand on Tyler?” Ponch asked.

“Not that I know of…I don’t think Jon would ever be the type to beat a child, even if he were worked up and angry…I know Tyler was pretty shook up and crying…I think he was just yelled at.”

Ponch nodded. “Thanks…um you don’t have to stay any longer…I’m here now,” Ponch said he handed her, her pay check since it was the end of the week.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Shelly asked. Though she was just the babysitter she did care about Jon and Ponch…she had become a good friend.

“I don’t know Shelly…I really don’t know.”

Shelly gave him a hug. “Bye, I’ll call tomorrow to see how things are going.” With that said she let go of Ponch and left.

Ponch went to Tyler before going to see any of the other kids. Tyler was still crying.

“Hey, hey it’s gonna be okay honey. I need you to tell me something though…Daddy only yelled at you, right? He never touched you or anything?” Ponch asked kneeling down to Tyler’s eye level.

Tyler looked at his mommy with tear filled eyes. He nodded his head. “Just yelled.”

“Okay, Tyler it’s gonna be okay,” Ponch said pulling Tyler into a hug. Ponch was fighting back his own tears. He was thankful for the time that he had to dry the ones that he had cried and made it look like he hadn’t been crying at all.

“Mommy?” Jillian asked coming over.

“Yeah?”

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t really know…but it’s gonna be okay, don’t worry.”

Jess and Todd were nearby. Ponch just stared at his four children that conversation earlier with Jon that morning in the back of his mind. Jon’s words playing over and over. ‘you wanna be a single parent, Ponch? I can leave for good if you want.’ Ponch just shook his head blinking back tears as he looked up and whispered. “I didn’t want this…Jon that wasn’t what I wanted…you didn’t have to leave…we need you it’s hurting us not having you.”

The kids didn’t hear what Ponch was saying but they could hear his quiet shaky voice knowing he did say something.

Ponch looked at his watch and realized it was time for dinner. He wasn’t even close to hungry…but he knew the kids needed food. So he did what any good parent would do…he got up and fixed them a meal, got them fed…but Ponch didn’t eat a thing.

CHPCHPCHP

Later that night when Ponch was getting ready for bed he noticed that Jon had taken his phone so he wondered if maybe Jon would reply to a text message. Jon would’ve cooled off by now…and Ponch was at a very low point right now. He sent a message that said ‘good night…I love you.’ Then he collapsed on the bed and began sobbing.

When did life take this turn for the worse? Why did things have to be this way? Ponch wished Jon would just come home…the kids needed two parents…and Ponch didn’t wanna have to go out and find someone else…his heart still belonged to Jon no matter how much Jon broke and crushed it.

Ponch just laid there still crying when suddenly he heard a knock on the door. He looked to the doorway, where he saw the twins standing there. His two year old twins, they were both scared to death that they’d never see their daddy again. They loved Jon.

“Come here,” Ponch said.

Both Tyler and Jillian rushed over and got up in bed with Ponch they snuggled up to him. Both of them crying. Apparently it wasn’t just Ponch that was missing Jon…and something about the scene that had happened tonight had just shaken the whole family because a few moments later Jess was in the room carrying Todd along and they both got in bed as well. Followed by Sadie laying at the foot of the bed.

If this was what it was gonna be like at night then Ponch was fine with it. Yeah sure he missed cuddling with Jon…but at least he wasn’t sleeping alone. His family still loved him…and Jon leaving like he did made Ponch feel like he was failing his kids because he couldn’t keep Jon.

CHPCHPCHP

Jon was pulled over at a rest stop in his truck getting ready to sleep when his phone vibrated from that text. When he saw it was from Ponch…and when he saw what it said tears filled his eyes. “I love you too, Ponch…but how am I ever gonna come back…after what I just did to you…how will I ever face you again?” Jon said. He never sent a message back to Ponch he just set the phone aside and tried to ignore the message that was sent, but that message would be on his mind forever…not only that…but this day would be on his mind forever…and though he told Ponch he didn’t know where he was going he knew exactly where he was going.  

He was going somewhere, where he could clear his mind and where he could get good advice. He was going home. Jon didn’t mean to yell at Tyler and scare him to death. Jon didn’t mean to hurt Ponch…Jon felt like he was causing way too much damage to the family. What he didn’t realize was that by him leaving he had damaged them even more. If he had stayed maybe things could’ve been fixed…but Jon never would forgive himself for the amount of times he had hurt Ponch now. Jon laid his head back and began to fall asleep, once again having a nightmare.  


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ponch is a little emotional and he talks to Bobby

Ponch sat in the briefing room playing with his pencil, and staring at a piece of paper. Soon he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He looked up and saw Bobby Nelson standing there.

“Hey, you look exhausted and upset,” Bobby commented.

“I am,” was Ponch’s reply.

Bobby pulled up a chair knowing he had time to talk. “It’s not normal for you to be here on a weekend, where’s Jon? Who’s with the kids?” he asked.

“Kathy had the day off and offered to watch the kids…” Ponch started as he was fighting tears at the next part. “I don’t know where Jon is. He left last night.”

“Left?” Bobby asked. Normally Bobby didn’t pry too much into Ponch’s personal life, but when Jon wasn’t around and Ponch was upset Bobby felt a strange need to be there for him. They’d been friends for a while now, Bobby knew a lot about the family and everything…what he didn’t know was that they were falling apart.

“Yeah…left…he was very upset and felt like he was failing us…he felt like he was only hurting us the longer he was there…so he packed up a few things…and he left.”

“So you mean he like actually left you guys? And you don’t know when he’s coming back?” Bobby asked in shock.

“Yes,” Ponch said finally looking up from the table and at Bobby.

Bobby could see in Ponch’s eyes that he was hurting, he could see that in his expression he was feeling like this was his fault. Bobby didn’t know what to do or say…but he tried something. “Ponch, it’s not your fault that he left you. Jon’s just being an idiot. Leaving behind you, and that amazing family that the two of you have together would be one of the biggest mistakes anyone could ever make in life.”

Ponch just stared at Bobby silently.

Bobby moved his chair closer. “Ponch, I know it might seem like things are hard right now…but it will get better. Just make sure that you NEVER push any of us away. If you need help reach out for us, if something happens talk to one of us. We’re here for you, and we don’t want to see you fall and just keep getting deeper and deeper into troubles alone.”

As soon as those words came out of Bobby’s mouth Ponch slammed his head down on the table and began sobbing he just couldn’t control it anymore. Why couldn’t someone have said that to Jon before things had gotten to where they are now? It was somehow easy to catch Ponch just at the beginning of his struggles…but Jon he seemed like everything was fine up until not that long ago.

“Ponch?” Bobby asked unsure what to do now. Maybe he’d said the wrong words… “Ponch…I’m sorry…”

“No…you’re fine…I’m sorry…I’m a mess…” Ponch leaned his head on Bobby now.

Bobby’s first response was to push him away, Bobby would never let someone just lay their head on him…but with how Ponch was right now he needed it, he needed Bobby to just let him lean on him. Bobby was uncomfortable at first, but he knew Ponch was fine with it. Ponch laid his head on Jon a lot when he cried…and something Bobby had learned was that there were sometimes where Ponch would just treat Bobby as if he were Jon. Like when he brought him coffee the way Jon liked it…not how Bobby liked it. Or with writing reports…at least Ponch knew Bobby wasn’t Jon otherwise there’d be a problem. Although there were times when Bobby did wish that he could switch places with Jon…Ponch was a great guy, though Bobby wouldn’t admit it without saying a bunch of other things first…Ponch didn’t deserve this though. He didn’t deserve what he was being put through right now. Yeah sure Jon thought he was helping by leaving…but did he realize how much he was needed? Or how much pain he really caused just by leaving? He could’ve gotten help.

Getraer entered the briefing room a few moments later with Grossie not too far behind. Both of them not knowing a thing about last night turned and saw Ponch crying on Bobby and were off course very curious, because by this time Bobby had forgotten they were not alone and just let go of the fact that he was uncomfortable. He was holding Ponch close in his arms just trying to comfort his friend. Nothing else in the world mattered right now. And all Bobby wanted was for Ponch to be happy and Jon to come home.

“Um…Nelson?” Getraer asked clearing his throat. He talked to Bobby first since he could tell Ponch was pretty upset.

Bobby looked up at Getraer with this expression on his face that said ‘can we talk after briefing?’

Getraer nodded. “Alright fine, I want to see both of you after briefing.”

CHPCHPCHP

By the time briefing was over Ponch had calmed down a lot. When they entered Getraer’s office though he wasn’t so sure if he could keep it together.

“Sarge…I’m sorry…I…” Ponch started.

Bobby quickly cut in for Ponch sensing that his voice was starting to betray him. “Sarge, Jon left last night and Ponch is pretty upset.”

“Left?” Getraer asked.

“Yeah…he left…I don’t know where to or for how long…or even if he’ll ever be coming back.”

Getraer’s heart almost stopped when he heard that. But those two…they had something going…they were the perfect team, the perfect couple…and they had four kids…why would Jon just up and walk away?

“Bobby was just trying to comfort me during briefing…I probably should’ve stayed home today anyway…I guess I’m super emotional.”

“Ponch if the person I loved just up and left me like that and we had four kids I’d be upset too. Yeah sure I understand he’s under stress and is going through a lot right now but he didn’t need to leave you behind to take care of them alone,” Bobby said.

Getraer nodded in agreement. “Hopefully he’ll be back soon.”

“Yeah, and maybe we can help him.”

Ponch just stood there silently not sure what to say.

“Frank, why don’t you go home and be with the kids?” Getraer suggested.

Ponch just nodded.

“Bobby take him home and stay with him for a while.”

CHPCHPCHP

Jon was in Wyoming, and home now. He felt safe here, but at the same time he felt like he’d made a mistake in coming. The whole way there he’d been reminded over and over of what had happened before he left. He’d taken his anger out on Tyler just yelling at him. He was thankful for not hurting him…he’d come too close to that. Tyler had been so scared when Jon was done. Jon felt horrible!

Jon was greeted by his parents.

“Honey, where’s Ponch and the kids? Didn’t you bring them along?” asked Jon’s mother.

“No…I uh…well…it’s a long story,” Jon said.

Jon’s dad looked very concerned by this as he led Jon inside.

“We’ve got time for it,” he said.  


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobby and Ponch find out some interesting news.

Ponch was at home, and he felt sick! He was throwing up in the bathroom, when Bobby had let himself in.

Bobby was going to go see Ponch, but he got distracted with saying hi to the kids first. After a few minutes though he heard throwing up in the bathroom and rushed over that way, worried that something was seriously wrong.

“Ponch?” he asked.

Ponch looked up at him as he was getting up to wash his mouth. “Oh…hi, Bobby.”

“Ponch, are you okay?” Bobby asked.

“I don’t know…” Ponch replied. “I feel kinda funny…I mean nothing serious just sick.”

“Did you see a doctor?” Bobby asked.

“Are you kidding!?” Ponch asked looking at Bobby like he was crazy. “It’s the weekend, I can’t just ditch the kids for the doctor’s office. Who’s gonna watch them?”  

“I can…or we can ask Kathy to do it.” Bobby came closer to Ponch. “But you’re all they’ve got, if there is something seriously wrong wouldn’t you rather find out now before it’s too late?”

Ponch stared at Bobby then nodded his head. “Yeah…yeah you’re right.”

Bobby smiled slightly. “Aren’t I always, partner?” he said with a laugh.

“Not always, hot dog,” Ponch replied pushing past him on his way for the bedroom. A few minutes later Bobby heard a loud “No” come from the bedroom. He rushed over and knocked.

“Ponch? Ponch are you okay?” he asked.

Ponch was laying on the bed trying to zip and button his favorite jeans. They had gotten snug. But…why?

“I’m fine,” Ponch said his voice sounding stressed.

“Are you decent?”

“Yeah…”

“I’m coming in,” Bobby said. He walked in, he was gonna come in whether Ponch was decent or not. He would’ve just made sure the kids weren’t by the door when he walked in. As soon as he saw Ponch laying on the bed frustrated trying to zip up and button his pants he knew something was wrong.

“Didn’t you just wear those no problem…not that long ago?” Bobby couldn’t remember the exact time he’d seen it.

Ponch didn’t answer he just gave up on trying because it was uncomfortable. “Bobby if you watch me dress I’ll kill you, so turn your head,” he said.

Bobby nodded and turned his head while Ponch changed back into the short shorts he had been wearing before.

“We should go,” Bobby said.

“What about the kids?”

“I brought Kathy with me, don’t worry.”

Ponch stared at him. “But…how’d you know…” he started.

“You know those feelings you get deep down when something is wrong? I had one of those feelings and had to bring along someone to watch the kids that you’d trust.”

Ponch smiled slightly. “Thanks Bobby,” he said. He was actually very grateful for all that Bobby had done for him since Jon left.

“No problem, now let’s get going.”

CHPCHPCHP

After the doctor visit Bobby led Ponch out to the car, but Ponch was barely able to stand he was so shaken and scared by this news. He wanted Jon back already. Tears had formed in his eyes. “But…I thought…” he started as he stared at his stomach.

“You thought what?” Bobby asked getting into the drivers side of the car.

“I told Jon I didn’t want to have any more kids…we agreed we both wanted to stop at four…that didn’t mean that we stopped having sex completely though…we just did everything we could to prevent anything from happening…well tried to anyway…I guess our protection failed us.”

“Hey it’s fine…maybe when Jon finds out he’ll come home…I know I would,” Bobby said.

“Yeah, but you’re not Jon.”

Bobby nodded. “Well at least you know that it was you and Jon that did it…”

Ponch shot him a look. “Bobby, that was two weeks ago of course it was me and Jon. Two weeks ago Jon wouldn’t have let another person come near me at that time…”

Bobby laughed. “You must be really something behind closed doors, and in bed with him…” Bobby said letting out a low whistle after his laugh.

Ponch made another face at him. “Bobby…” he sounded irritated.

“Sorry…anyway so who’s calling Jon to tell him that your pregnant?” Bobby asked.

“I…I will…” Ponch said grabbing out his phone. Before he called he sent a couple of messages asking Jon to call then waited Jon never called. Finally he called Jon. Jon never answered so he left a message on his voice mail and let out a sigh. “He’s been ignoring me since he left,” Ponch said.

“Maybe it’s a good thing…you don’t want to get hurt.”

“I’m just glad that when he hurt me he never did anything that would’ve hurt this baby that we’re apparently having,” Ponch said.

Bobby nodded agreeing to that.

CHPCHPCHP

Jon was laying on the couch exhausted. “I can’t believe I actually left…” he said to himself. His parents were out buying groceries for supper.

He had, had his phone on silent for a while and then decided to pull it out and check FaceBook he’d only been gone a few days but it was possible a lot could’ve happened.

Somehow Bobby had gotten permission from Ponch to take a picture with him to post to Facebook to show Jon. In the picture Jon saw Bobby holding Ponch close in a hug Ponch was trying to pretend he hadn’t been crying. Bobby had a hand on Ponch’s stomach and the words up above said “Hey, Jon guess what you’re having another baby”

Jon’s eyes widened. “What? But…” he started then noticed he had two text messages and a missed call. He looked at the messages both were just Ponch saying call me. Then he listened to the voice mail. “Jon…sorry to be telling you this…I know it’s the last thing you wanna hear after you left…but uh…apparently our protection failed us…uh…Jon…I’m pregnant…” with those last words said the message ended. Jon never realized how much he had missed Ponch’s voice till now…and those words…and the picture on Facebook…they really were having a fifth child.

Jon had tears in his eyes. “But…Ponch didn’t want to have another kid…I just ruined that for him…he’s gonna be alone during this pregnancy…I can’t go back…I can’t face him after what I did…and if I would’ve known he was pregnant I would’ve been more careful…when I attacked him I could’ve hurt the baby…thank God I didn’t…” Jon made up his mind then and there if he couldn’t go home yet he’d be supportive from far away. He was gonna get a job and the money he made he’d send home to Ponch.

Jon just continued to stare at that picture though. “Maybe I don’t need to send money…maybe…maybe Bobby is taking care of him…” Jon then broke down in tears. He had just been a mess ever since he left and he couldn’t control his emotions anymore. He felt ashamed of his actions, and embarrassed of his crying. And a horrible thought crossed his mind…what if he never got to meet that fifth child? What if when he returned Ponch had moved on? With that thought Jon began to sob even harder. How was he supposed to go home? How was he gonna face Ponch? How was he gonna explain to his children what he had done? How would they ever forgive him?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon has a talk with his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the dream you'll recognize from the very first story "Jonch" of this series. :D if you don't recognize it then you might have to read that story...

Ponch laid in bed falling asleep, he missed Jon badly and he wished there was something he could do to bring him back. His mind kept wandering to the days when everything in the world seemed perfect to him. Nothing could have gone wrong during that time, he was just so happy…now…now he was so upset and so scared about tomorrow that sometimes he wished tomorrow wouldn’t be coming, unless tomorrow meant Jon would be home.

Ponch however had things he needed to think about, things to take care of. Children to feed and be with, and love. He wasn’t gonna leave them anytime soon, at least not without a fight. As Ponch laid there tears started to stream down his cheeks, not only did he have the four kids to look after…but now a fifth one was on the way.

Ponch rolled over to get more comfortable, everything was quiet in the house, the kids were asleep and Bobby said if they needed anything to just call. Ponch didn’t know why Bobby had suddenly become their protector as soon as Jon left…but he had to admit he was very grateful. He couldn’t do this alone.

Ponch closed his eyes and slowly began to drift off into dream world, and as he did he had a dream that was so real…it was a memory actually…he was dreaming about the day Jon had asked Ponch is he wanted to marry him…

_Ponch was all alone in the locker room trying to clean his sunglasses. He felt something touch him. He ignored it at first as he was very focused. Soon he felt Jon’s arms go around him in a hug from behind. He knew it was Jon, because Jon was the only one that ever did that, and Jon had laid his head on Ponch’s shoulder after wrapping his arms around him._

_“Hey, I was worried about you. You disappeared right after briefing,” Jon said._

_“Sorry…”_

_“No, it’s fine. As long as I know where you are now…after work I have a special question for you.”_

_“Why can’t you just ask here? We’re alone, right?”_

_“Well…” Jon started. Ponch smiled and kissed Jon on the cheek._

_“Go ahead, I don’t care.” He leaned against the locker a bit being sure not crush Jon’s hands that were still lightly around his waist._

_“Okay, you sure we’re completely alone?”_

_“Jon, hey don’t worry about someone walking in on us. We are in the men’s locker room. If anyone were to walk in, it would be another officer. If they do come in we’re safe. Everyone knows we’re in love,” Ponch assured him. “So, what’s on your mind?” he added with a look of curiosity on his face._

_“Babe, I love you more and more each day,” Jon said with a slight smile._

_“Well that’s good, cuz you’re pretty much stuck with me,” Ponch replied trying not to laugh. He wanted to stay somewhat serious so Jon could talk without them bursting into fits of laughter._

_Jon got down on a knee. And grabbed Ponch’s hand, he kissed it softly before looking back up at Ponch again. He let go and reached into his pocket. “I don’t ever want to let you get away…I’m so in love…my life just wouldn’t be complete without you in it, Ponch.”_

_“Aww…you’re gonna make me cry,” Ponch said already wiping a tear._

_Jon smiled. He pulled out a small box, Ponch wasn’t paying that much attention until Jon started to open the box and pop a question Ponch wasn’t quite yet expecting. “Ponch, will you…marry me?” he asked._

_Ponch’s eyes got wide, and joyful tears filled his eyes. “Of course I will!” Jon stood up and put the ring on Ponch’s finger. Ponch admired it a few seconds. “It’s beautiful, Jon…” he said. Then wrapped his arms tightly around his fiancé and placed a kiss on his lips. Jon just smiled and returned the kiss._

CHPCHPCHP

Jon sat still looking at his mother and father. “I’m fine,” he lied. He didn’t want to tell them what he had just found out. He knew that would just mean his dad would urge him to go home even more, and he just couldn’t…not like this.

“Jon listen, I know you’re scared. I know you are afraid to go home after what you did, but things will never get better with your family if you just walk out on them and never make things right. I know something happened and I want you to tell me, now,” Kevin Baker said.

Jon stared at his father, a lump forming in his throat. “If I tell you…promise not to force me into anything?”

“I can’t force you do anything, just strongly encourage it,” Kevin replied.

Jon cleared his throat. “Apparently…me and Ponch…we…uh…” Jon paused tearing up. He still couldn’t believe the news, and he wished he could’ve been home but he wasn’t planning on going back.

“You what?” Kevin pressed.

“We’re having another baby,” Jon said quickly then his gaze dropped to the floor.

Hearing that news Kevin nearly exploded. “AND YOU’RE NOT ALREADY ON YOUR WAY BACK TO CALIFORNIA!?”

Jon was stunned by the reaction, as Kevin tried to calm down from that Nancy took over. “Jon, honey don’t you think that Ponch would want you home…no matter what it was you did? He will forgive you, for heavens sake he’s going to be having another baby he needs you by his side,” she said.

Jon bit his lip they were right…Ponch needed him…and he should’ve gotten up and left the second he heard. But it was his fear, depression and anger holding him back. “I can’t go back…I haven’t fixed my problem yet…I’ll just mess things up…not only that what if I get too upset and hurt Ponch?”

Kevin looked at him. “Jon, I understand your concern…maybe you can get some help here before you leave but you NEED to get back.”

“Yeah…” Jon was silent for a few minutes.

“And ideally we’d like you back before that baby is born…”

“Ponch isn’t gonna want me near him then…” Jon said.

“Jon, I was there when you and Ponch got married, he loved you to death…I was there when the twins were born, you were the only one he let near him and in the delivery room. I might not have been there for Todd’s birth, but I know it was the same thing…Jon what I’m trying to say is…Ponch loves you he wants you to be with him. You made a lot of mistakes back then too and he forgave you…that is your baby…you are having it together...when he goes into that delivery room he hopes that you’d be right there for support and probably a hand to squeeze when he’s in pain…Jon you need to be there for him,” Kevin said.

Jon sat there. “I’d like to be there for him…” he started.

“Then you should…” Nancy said.

“But I need to fix whatever problem this is that I have first,” Jon said.

Nancy and Kevin looked at each other unsure what to say. “Jon…I think you need to go home to get your problem fixed. You need to have a talk with the people that love and care about you and want to help. Ponch can help you…Getraer can help you…anyone of those people can help you back there. I think you came out here for a different reason…” Nancy started.

“I just can’t…I can’t be a dad…it’s too hard…” Jon said tears forming in his eyes. “Ponch is so good at parenting…why can’t I be that good?”

“Jon, did you ever stop to realize that even Ponch isn’t perfect? He’s made mistakes before. Sure it’s hard to notice if you’re sitting there thinking his perfect. Jon honey no one is the perfect parent…we can just try our best.”

“Is it just being a dad that’s getting to you?” Kevin asked.

“No…I told you guys already…parenting is tough…work is even tougher…when you’re stressing about your role as a parent and messing up so much then going into work and the world becoming more and more violent it becomes hard. There was a shooting five weeks ago…and…two officers were killed…that’s the kinda stuff we get ourselves into…each and every day putting our life on the line…and…we have four…soon to be five kids. Shouldn’t we be doing something else? Shouldn’t we be doing something safer that they know that when their parents go to work in the morning they are sure they will be coming home safe and alive the same day? The officers that were shot and killed were both CHP officers…me and Ponch were there…I saw it…I’ve been seeing it over and over again in my sleep the past few weeks only instead of it being the two that actually were killed it was me and Ponch…on top of that I had other dreams before that of a different way that Ponch could be attacked and maybe killed…I’m scared…not too long later he was in an accident. After his accident I guess I got worse because the dreams got more intense and more real…and…well…I guess somewhere in between all that time we must’ve had a good day…because I still remember having sex…but we weren’t supposed to have a baby…” Jon paused.  

“But you are happy to have one, right?” Nancy asked.

“Of course…but…I don’t know if Ponch will ever forgive me for that…” Jon replied.

“Jon, Ponch more than likely already loves that unborn child…he’ll forgive you. It’s a precious joy,” Nancy said putting her hand on Jon’s.

Jon nodded. “Yeah…you’re probably right…but…how am I gonna ever face him after what I did?”

“Jon if you show up again he’s gonna be thrilled just to see your face. Sure he’ll be hurt still that you left, but it’s Ponch he’ll forgive you. You have to take that chance and go back,” Kevin told him.

Jon just stared at his dad. Was he right?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon calls Ponch.

The first few months were a blur to Ponch, Getraer told him to work at the desk, and he did. But he had to get a ride from people to work each day because no one trusted him driving alone. It was a little annoying, but oh well…at least he knew they cared. Today was Harlan’s turn to take him to work.

Ponch was getting ready for work, and feeling a little less than happy. Jon should’ve been home by now…it had been three months…yeah Ponch was three months pregnant, showing, and Jon WASN’T home yet still!

Harlan pulled into the driveway around the same time that Shelly had just arrived to watch the kids. Ponch gave her a side hug before going out the door.

When he got to the car he could hear the song ‘Hotline Bling’ playing it wasn’t on the radio it was on Harlan’s iPod that he had plugged into the car stereo. Ponch cringed he hated that song actually and he didn’t think he’d find Harlan listening to it…and apparently he liked it enough to download onto his iPod.

"Oh...sorry, Bobby warned me that you didn't like this...let's see what else I got." The song 'Want To Want Me' by Jason Derulo began to play and Ponch smiled.

“Harlan this was not the type of stuff I expected you to be listening to,” he said.

“Expect the unexpected, Poncherello,” Harlan replied as he pulled out of the driveway after Ponch had buckled up.

The car ride was silent, besides music as songs like ‘Sugar’ by Maroon 5, ‘Honey I’m good’ by Andy Grammar, ‘Watch me’ by Silento, and ‘Uptown Funk’ by Bruno Mars. Ponch was still surprised at what Harlan listened to. Not that it wasn’t okay…it’s just that wasn’t the type of music he imagined Harlan to like…in fact he didn’t think Harlan would be listening to much music. When the song ‘Peanut Butter Jelly Time’ started to play Ponch raised an eyebrow as he looked at Harlan.

Harlan reached for the iPod and almost dropped it trying to change it quickly. Soon it was changed to ‘Unbreakable’ by Michael Jackson.

“Peanut Butter Jelly Time?” Ponch asked still stuck on that song that was before.

Harlan blushed embarrassed. “We all have things we’re ashamed of…and I haven’t had the chance to delete it yet,” he replied.

Ponch smiled. “No, you should keep it. It’s a memory…I’m sure you have it for a reason. You don’t delete memories…but uh…did you really like that song once?”

“I had a bad music taste back then, Ponch.”

Ponch laughed. “It’s fine as long as I don’t find that you have ‘Anaconda’ by Nicki Minaj.”

Harlan burst out laughing. “I’d never.”

Ponch just smiled at him.

CHPCHPCHP

When they arrived at the station Bobby rushed out to the car. “Ponch, you have a phone call,” he said.

“Already?” Ponch asked barely having even gotten out of the car.

Bobby smiled at him. “You look great today, partner,” he complimented while leading him inside.

“No…I look like I’m becoming a melon…of which I am. I feel like look awful…but oh well what can I do?” Ponch said with a slight smile as he headed inside with Bobby.

Bobby still wished Jon would’ve come home by now, and he knew that Jon not being there was killing Ponch…yet he tried to hide it as best as he could.

He got inside and went to the phone where he was told he had a call. “Hello, Frank Poncherello,” he said cheerfully.

“Ponch?”

As soon as he heard the voice on the other end his smile faded and his emotions went to a mixture of hurt, sadness, and curiosity. “Jon, what’s going on? Why aren’t you here? Where are you?”

“Ponch, I can’t tell you where I am…you’ll only come for me…I just wanted to make sure you’re safe.”

“Oh yeah you care about three months later? Jon, did you get the messages that were sent? Did you know what was going on here?” Ponch paused and looked over his shoulder Bobby was standing there right behind him.

He heard what Ponch was saying and the minute he heard the name Jon, excitement, anger, and concern filled his body. He was excited Jon had called, angry that Jon was still gone…and very concerned that Ponch was about to get hurt again. He didn’t need that, not now.

“Yes, yes I heard about the baby…I saw the Facebook picture, I got your messages…Ponch…I know you’re gonna hate me for this but I can’t come home yet.”

“Why!?” Ponch had angry tears streaming down his cheeks. “Jon, your kids miss you, they need you. I miss you…I NEED you! Jon I’m three months pregnant, please tell me you’re at least gonna be here before I have this baby…I don’t know how I’d ever make it without you.”

Jon bit his lip so hard it began to bleed. “I can’t make that promise…but I’ll try…I’ll try…I need to get things fixed…I’ve already started and things are going well. I should be fine within a year.”

“A YEAR? You’re coming home before then, right? You can get the same help here that you’re getting where ever you are. Jon, please!” Ponch was crying even harder and Jon’s heart was breaking that wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want to make Ponch cry. Soon the phone was ripped from Ponch’s hands Bobby could no longer handle this.

“Bobby, give it back,” Ponch said keeping his voice steady though it was hard.

Bobby shook his head as he brought the phone to his ear. “Jon Baker, the person you love, the person you wanted to marry…your husband is here in tears because of you! Jon, if I were you and I knew that someone I cared about and loved dearly was pregnant again with our fifth child I’d be home already…no matter what problem it is I have!”

Jon was speechless he’d never really been yelled at by Bobby before. But then Jon remembered what he wanted to say to Bobby and turned it around. “Well you’re not me, Bobby. You don’t know what is going on…if I were home…I could hurt him…I get out of control sometimes is that what you want to happen? Do you want to see him hurt?”

Bobby blinked not expecting that. “Well…no…” he looked at Ponch for help. He didn’t realize what he was getting into, sometimes he didn’t think before acting.

“Bobby, when I left you suddenly became Ponch’s protector…if you’re trying to make some sort of move on my babe don’t try it, leave him alone. I WILL be coming home…and if I find you with him trying to take him from me…I swear I’ll kill you.”

“Whoa, Jon…calm down,” Bobby started. He looked at Ponch again thankful that Jon had been loud enough that Ponch had heard him. Ponch was speechless at first but then he stepped closer to the phone his voice was shaky at first but then he was able to keep it steady.

“Jon…honey, Bobby isn’t doing anything wrong. He’s just being nice.”

“Too nice,” Jon commented.

Ponch looked at Bobby with a suspicion. Bobby covered the phone with his hand and looked Ponch deep in the eyes. “Ponch listen, I wouldn’t ever dream of trying to break you and Jon apart. You are perfect for each other and even if I did fall in love with you I couldn’t compete with Jon,” Bobby said.

Ponch nodded. “Yeah, looks like you already know your place,” he said with a smile.

Bobby nodded then they got back to the phone. “Jon, I don’t like Ponch like that. Believe me.”

Jon let out a sigh. “I’m sorry…I…it’s just…I gotta go,” Jon said.

“Wait, Jon!” Ponch cried desperately into the phone.

Jon had to hold the phone away from his ear. “What?”

“Don’t go…please come back to me…”

Jon could hear the sadness in Ponch’s voice. “Ponch…I will…it just takes time,” he said and with that he hung up.  

As soon as they heard the click on the other end and the dial tone Ponch fell into Bobby’s arms crying. Why would Jon call now? It just made things harder on Ponch…and now Jon felt bad because he made a mistake he just missed Ponch’s voice…

CHPCHPCHP

“Yeah, then he just hung up after that,” Ponch finished as he reached for another tissue. He was sitting in Getraer’s office with Bobby telling Getraer what had happened.

“So he called to tell you he wasn’t coming home for a while…but he might be home for the birth of the baby…but there’s no guarantee?” Getraer asked trying to get it all straight.

Ponch nodded.

“This is just wrong…he should be here by now,” Getraer said slamming his fist down on the desk angrily.

Bruce then burst into the room his eyes got wide at the site he saw. He hadn’t been there for three months now, he was gone for some training program in San Diego, then off to another race…and now he came back to find Ponch and Bobby in the office Ponch was a mess, and Bobby looked like he wanted to kill someone.

“What’s going on?” he asked looking at Bobby.

“Jon left…he won’t tell Ponch where he is…Ponch is three months pregnant…and Jon still won’t come back. He says he needs to fix his problem first…” Bobby said then bit his lip. “But what problem is it he’s having?” he asked.

Ponch was sniffling and trying to stop crying now.

“How long has he been away?” Bruce asked.

“Three months,” Bobby replied.

“Dang,” Bruce let out a low whistle.

Getraer was looking at Ponch waiting for him to speak he looked like he had something to say.

“Jon…he said that being a dad was too much stress…” Ponch started.

Bobby moved closer to Ponch. “Keep going, what else did he tell you?” he asked hoping Ponch would be able to lead them to the answer of the problem.

“Something about work being stressful too…and all his problems started…just a day after…after…” Ponch stopped.

“After what?” Bobby asked.

“That shooting…” Ponch finished.

“Hey I remember hearing about that. You were there too, Ponch…what happened?” Bruce asked also moving closer.

“Two officers shot and killed…me and Jon were there for the first half we were being held hostage forced to watch the officers get shot…then one of those creeps was gonna kill me and Jon freaked…back up arrived in time to help Jon save my life…and I don’t remember much after that everything just went black. Since then Jon’s been having nightmares and acting up…I don’t know if it’s because of that…or something else…but…”

“And you’re just telling us now?” Bobby asked.

“I didn’t think that it mattered…I mean Sarge read  the reports he knew about it…lots of other people knew about the shooting too…I didn’t need to say anything…but I didn’t think that it bothered Jon…until now that I’m sitting here realizing that all his troubles started the day after.”

Bobby nodded. “Well…if we talk to him again maybe we can find out.”

“Don’t you think bringing up that shooting will just piss him off if that’s what is bugging him?” Ponch asked.

“Well…he needs to talk about it,” Bobby said.

Getraer looked at Ponch. “You were there too…how come you’re not as troubled?”

“Because, it wasn’t Jon that was taken to get killed. I was gonna get killed I can live with that…Jon…well I’d just throw a fit…not only that but Jon’s stressing out about being a dad at the same time so…mix the two together and you’ve created a monster.”

“So you being killed…someone trying to kill you didn’t mess with your mind at all? Didn’t make you feel the way Jon does?” Getraer asked confused.

“Sure I have had a few moments…but Sarge it comes with the job.”

Getraer nodded.

CHPCHPCHP

Jon sat on the couch his parents were in front of him.

“Jon, why would you call if you’re not coming home…why would you call if you’re not apologizing for what happened? All you did was make him upset and think that you’re not gonna be there for him.”

Jon looked at his dad. “I thought I was doing the right thing, okay!? I had planned out what I was going to say…but then remembered that with Ponch you can’t just plan out what happens in the conversation.”

Kevin and Nancy looked at him. “Jon, do us a favor, okay?” Nancy started.

“What?”

“Go home soon…he needs you.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Ponch, if Jon doesn’t come home…I’ll be there for you,” Bobby offered.

Ponch was laying on his bed trying to hold back tears, here he was now six months pregnant only three more months to go…and where was Jon? He hadn’t even heard from him again since that day he called.

Bobby inched a little closer. “Ponch?” he started.

“I heard you already, Bobby,” Ponch said then sat up a bit. “Thanks for the offer…”

Bobby nodded. “Look I don’t know what his deal is, but he better at least be here while the baby is still a baby.”

“Bobby my only hesitation of you being there is…what if he thinks you’re his dad?” Ponch asked tears finally starting to fall.

Bobby, besides the kids and Ponch was the only other person that knew this child was going to be a boy…and Ponch had picked out the name Trevor. He loved the name a lot, and he knew Jon would’ve agreed if Jon were there.

Bobby just stared at Ponch, that thought had never occurred to him. He bit his lip slightly. “Well…” he started.

“Bobby, promise me right now…no matter what stupid things I say to you the day this child is being born…if Jon is not here you WILL be here,” Ponch’s voice was a little shaky.

Bobby nodded wondering why Ponch had suddenly changed his mind.

As if Ponch could read Bobby’s mind he smiled slightly trying not to laugh. “Seriously, I need someone to be with me…I mean who’s gonna get me to the hospital…I can’t drive while I’m in labor…I’ve been in labor before Bobby I KNOW driving is not something I am capable of at that time…heck I can barely even remember to breathe sometimes.”

Bobby laughed. “Yeah, well you can count on me being here if Jon’s not,” he said. “And even if he is here…I’ll be here to watch the kids,” he added quickly.

“Thanks…I feel like I owe you something…but whatever it is…I’m probably never gonna give it to you,” Ponch said with a mischievous grin.

Bobby smiled. “Now you’re starting to sound like your old self…how’s Trevor doing?” he asked motioning towards Ponch’s swollen tummy.

“Fine,” Ponch replied then placing his hand on top of his large belly. He didn’t realize how much he’d missed being pregnant…but at the same time he missed not being pregnant.  

Soon the door was pushed open and Jess came in. She didn’t even ask if it was okay, she just naturally assumed this was a place she was welcome.

Jess crawled up in bed beside Ponch and hugged him.

Bobby smiled slightly, sometimes he wished he was in Ponch’s place…but then he always changed his mind because he didn’t think he was ready for that yet…just babysitting four kids was hard enough for him.

Ponch put an arm around Jess. “Hey, baby,” he said kissing her on the top of the head. “What’s up?”

“Just wanted to see you,” she replied. Ponch looked at his watch.

“Almost time for supper,” he said looking at Bobby. “Are you hungry, Jess?” Ponch asked.

She nodded her head wildly. “Yes!”

Bobby laughed. “How old are you, Jess?” he asked.

“Just turned four,” she replied.

“That’s old enough…” Bobby started as he got up.

“Old enough for what?” Ponch and Jess asked in unison.

“To learn how to help out in the kitchen. Come on, Ponch needs all the help he can get.”

Ponch looked at Bobby for a few minutes unsure about this.

Bobby just smiled. “Trust me,” he said as he took Jess to the kitchen with Ponch following closely behind.

CHPCHPCHP

Jon saw pictures posted on Facebook of Jess helping cook a meal. Bobby did his best to just be taking the pictures and not be in them so Jon wouldn’t be upset with him. Jon just smiled he saw his whole family in the last picture around the table. Jillian, Tyler, Todd, Jess, and Ponch…he looked a little closer though and a tear slid down his face. Had it really been that long? The kids looked like they’d grown so much…yet he knew they didn’t really age too much…but Ponch…he was six months pregnant and Jon didn’t even know the gender of the baby. Ponch wouldn’t tell him. Well…maybe he would tell him, but Jon didn’t actually know he still hadn’t been in contact with them since that call three months back.

Nancy and Kevin came up behind Jon and saw the picture he was looking at and even Nancy had a tear in her eye. “Jon that picture isn’t complete without you in it,” she said.

Jon just shook his head.

“Ponch looks great, doesn’t he?” Kevin commented.

“He always does,” Jon replied. Jon then looked at his parents. “I think I’m almost ready though…I’m almost ready to go home,” he said.

Nancy smiled at that thought. “How are you feeling today?” she asked.

“Fine…had a terrible dream last night,” Jon replied.

“Maybe the nightmares will go away once you have Ponch in your arms again,” Kevin suggested.

Jon looked at him, he knew what his dad was doing. Ever since day one Kevin had insisted things would only get better if Jon had Ponch. Jon told him that he needed to fix his problem before he could have Ponch again because there was no way he was going to hurt him again…not now.

It would take a lot of talking to get Jon to leave at this second, but he was getting pretty close to ready or so he thought.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon might be coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if it seems a little rushed but i had to make it to this part right now.

Ponch had tears rolling down his cheeks as he laid in bed waiting for Jon to come home, and he still hadn’t. But that wasn’t the only reason Ponch was in tears…the pain…it was awful…

Bobby knowing Jon wasn’t there had spent the night tonight in the guest room because the due date was coming up. It was this week, and Bobby was going to be there until Jon showed up…if Jon showed up.

Suddenly Bobby woke up feeling as if something was wrong. He rushed to Ponch’s room. “Ponch? Is everything okay?” he asked.

Ponch shook his head slightly. “J-Jon’s not home…” he said.

“Yeah I know,” Bobby said. He wished Jon was there. “Is that what’s wrong?”

“Bobby…we…gotta…go…” Ponch said trying to sit up.

Bobby’s eyes got wide, now understanding why Ponch was upset Jon wasn’t there.

“Um…is someone watching the kids?”

“Called…Getraer…he’s almost…here,” Ponch said as Bobby helped him up from the bed and grabbed the bag that had been packed as they headed out of that room.

Jess heard movement and rushed out of her room. “What’s going on?” she asked Bobby.

“We’re gonna take a trip down to the hospital,” Bobby started.

Jess stared at him. Soon Getraer walked into the house not even knocking. He rushed over. “Bobby get going,” he said. Then turned to Jess and smiled slightly. “Your little brother is being born,” he informed her.

Jess smiled and had to go tell her sister and brothers.

After everyone was awake and had heard the news they began falling asleep again. Only Jess seemed to really understand what was going on right now. The others just wanted to sleep, and that was okay. She went and sat with Getraer on the couch. “We should tell Daddy,” she said.

“But…” Getraer started.

“Call him,” she suggested.

Getraer just nodded and grabbed out his phone he called Jon. They waited for what seemed like forever and never got someone on the other end of the phone. Getraer left a message telling Jon that the baby was being born. He hoped that by the time Jon heard this message he’d consider coming home.

CHPCHPCHP

After a long night and lots of pain, Trevor was finally born. Trevor was born with Down Syndrome, but that didn’t stop Ponch from falling in love with his new baby right away.

Bobby was right beside Ponch. “Ponch, he looks kinda like Jon…only…a little different…” he started.

Ponch looked at Bobby. “He’s got the same blue eyes and blonde hair…” Ponch said.

Bobby nodded.

CHPCHPCHP

Jon got up and had a terrible headache, he checked his phone and found a voice mail. He listened. “Hey, Jon…it’s Joe…just wanted you to know that Ponch went to the hospital…he’s having the baby.”

Jon slammed his fist down and felt like a terrible father and husband for not being there. He had to get back to L.A. now! He felt a lot better, and nothing was going to stop him. But as soon as he stood up…Jon Baker…fell to the floor.

CHPCHPCHP

“I’m sorry he never came, Ponch,” Bobby apologized for what must’ve been the hundredth time.

“I’m sure he had a reason,” Ponch said hugging Trevor.

Bobby nodded, but what father would have a good reason not to be there for the birth of their child when they’d been away for nine months?

Ponch looked at Bobby. “I hate to say it…but since Jon isn’t home…looks like I’ll be back to work soon,” Ponch said.

Bobby cringed at the thought. Ponch should be able to stay home with the new born baby. He shook his head. “No, I’ll take care of you, Ponch. You stay home with Trevor and the other kids…they need you…I’ll help you out.”

“But…” Ponch began to protest.

“Don’t fight me on this, Ponch,” Bobby said.

Ponch suddenly became too distracted with his child to argue with Bobby anymore so he agreed to it.

CHPCHPCHP

Jon was laying on the couch his head was killing him. “What…happened?”

“You passed out…you’re not feeling too well, Jon.”

“But I gotta get home,” Jon said.

“I know you do…but before you can get home you need to get better,” Nancy said putting an ice pack on his head.

Jon was furious. How could sickness hit him at a time like this!? But at the same time Jon was too tired to show off how angry he really was.

CHPCHPCHP

A few months passed and Jon hadn’t returned. Ponch was slowly starting to get back to work. He’d work small shifts then come home. But today…today Ponch wouldn’t be coming back home for a while.

Ponch went into work early that morning and sat through briefing, as soon as it had ended he rushed out the door to get going. He was anxious to start working and get his mind off Jon.

The first stop he made he was attacked by a man with a knife, and very thankful that Bobby was there to help him out. They were able to arrest the guy after he had punched Ponch a few times and almost stabbed Bobby.

The next stop there was a shooting…this day just couldn’t get any worse. Ponch hated it!

Now he was in pursuit of a yellow mustang Bobby following close behind. As soon as the mustang turned the corner Ponch could tell something was seriously wrong with this scene, but before he had time to stop Ponch found himself crashing into two cars that had been set up to block his path, and being thrown from his bike. Ponch’s body rolled over a few times across the hood of one of the cars before finally meeting the pavement were his head hit first and Bobby heard a sickening crack that might have been Ponch’s neck breaking, but he hoped and prayed that wasn’t what he had just heard.

He rushed to Ponch after pulling over and knelt beside him Ponch was gasping for air, his eyes were wide and filled with fear, and Bobby knew that crack wasn’t his neck…it was his helmet breaking…he hit his head hard.

CHPCHPCHP

Bobby was pacing back and forth in the waiting room, no news being told to him, when he suddenly realized he needed to call Jon. Whether Jon was coming or not was another story. Bobby called and to his surprised got an answer.

“Jon, where the hell have you been!? Trevor has been alive for months now and you should’ve been here already…and now…now because you weren’t here Ponch insisted he go back to work so he can take care of the family. Jon he’s lying in a hospital bed dying!”

Jon was in shock. “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” was all he said before he hung up.

Bobby was even more shocked than Jon was. Did Jon seriously just say he was coming?


	12. Chapter 12

Jon was exhausted by the time he got to California, and he was surprised at how happy he was to just be home. He smelled awful right now from how hot it had gotten in the truck and all the sweating so he decided to stop by home and take a quick shower, say hi to the kids then leave for the hospital.

When Jon entered the house he found Getraer sitting on the couch watching the kids play on the floor. Getraer was holding the new baby. Jon tried to sneak around so he could go get a shower before he was spotted, but no such luck, Jillian spotted him instantly and rushed over. “DADDY!” she cried wrapping her little arms around her father that she hadn’t seen in a year and three months. Soon Todd, Jess, and Tyler had also made their way over to the hug.

Jon smiled clearly he’d been missed, and not forgotten about. Tears filled his eyes both joy that he was seeing his kids again in person, and a bit of anger towards himself for having been gone so long. Todd was walking…and Jon didn’t even get a chance to see his very first steps.

Soon Getraer had gotten off the couch and made his way over to them with the six month old baby Trevor in his arms. Even more tears filled Jon’s eyes joy of seeing his new baby the first time.

Getraer smiled. “Jon…this is Trevor. The baby that was born while you were away,” Getraer said handing him over.

“He’s…he’s…” Jon’s words were getting all choked up from his crying. “He’s precious,” he finally got out.

Getraer nodded. “That’s what Ponch thought too.”

Suddenly Jon’s thought shifted to Ponch. “How…how is he?” Jon asked.

“He’s been in a coma since they brought him in…uh…I don’t wanna talk about it here,” Getraer said motioning towards the kids to show why.

Jon nodded. “I gotta go take a shower…thanks for watching them,” Jon said. He handed Trevor back to Getraer then walked off.

CHPCHPCHP

Jon got out of the shower a little while later and was ready to get going to the hospital to see Ponch.

“Keep me posted, Baker…and uh…try not to get in a fight with Nelson.”

“Bobby is there?” Jon asked trying to hide the fact he was already starting to get upset.

“Yes, Ponch has been his partner since you left…and a good friend…and Bobby has been a good friend to him in return. He’s there because he cares about Ponch and he’s worried.”

Jon nodded then headed out the door after stopping to pet Sadie for a few seconds.

CHPCHPCHP

Bobby sat in a chair beside Ponch’s bed in ICU. He was worried sick about his partner…and even more anxious about the fact Jon was coming. He knew he was going to get upset with Jon…but was he going to control himself to keep from yelling? Even though Ponch was in a coma he could still hear them…and the last thing Bobby wanted was for Ponch to hear more arguing…but maybe if Ponch heard Jon’s voice in the arguing he’d wake up. Bobby shook that thought for his mind. That’s not the way he wanted it to be, he wanted Ponch to wake up when he was ready to wake up…and not because they forced it.  

Soon the door swung open and in walked Jon Baker…the man Bobby had just been thinking about.

“Oh…uh hi, Jon.”

“Hi, how is he?”

“He’s got a serious head injury and has been in a coma since they brought him in yesterday. A few broken ribs, broken wrists, and a dislocated shoulder…he suffered some bad internal bleeding but they were able to stop it both lungs collapsed, but they were able to re-inflate them and they seem to be okay now…he flat lined twice in the ambulance…but obviously he’s still with us now …that’s pretty much it…he really got banged up this time. And he was already sore enough from having to wrestle around with this guy that had a knife earlier that day…and he saved my life…” Bobby said while rubbing his neck.

“What guy with a knife?” Jon asked.

“We pulled over this guy for speeding and he attacked us…after we thought we had him he pulled out a knife…”

Jon shuddered at the thought. “Thank God you’re both okay,” he said sitting down.

“Well…after that there was a shoot out…” Bobby said.

Jon’s eyes got wide. 

“And then we went after that yellow mustang…and long story short here we are.”

“Did you catch the guy? What happened at the shoot out?”

“The shoot out we just hit walls and talked the guys out of shooting anymore…and the mustang…he uh…got away.”

Jon looked very angry. “HE GOT AWAY!?”

“Relax, Jon…we’re still looking for him,” Bobby said.

Jon tried to calm down, but how was he supposed to be calm? He got a call when he was all the way in Wyoming saying that his husband was in the hospital dying…and they still didn’t catch the guy that did it.

“Jon…what made you come back so quickly for this…but you wouldn’t come for Trevor being born?”

“I tried…but I was sick…and…”

“Jon, Ponch needed you…he was worried you weren’t ever coming back…in fact he was too scared to let me even come into the room after Trevor was born because he thought Trevor might think I was his dad…and he didn’t want that to happen…he was so scared and stressed the whole nine months, Jon…and that’s not good…” Bobby paused.

Jon looked at Bobby. “What are you trying to say? That this is all my fault? Bobby, I’m not the one that put him in that bed…and him getting pregnant with Trevor was an accident…it’s not like we expected it this time…”

“Yeah, well we told you Trevor was going to be born and you should’ve come home! You didn’t Jon! You knew and that didn’t even make you start to come back…you called and just upset Ponch even more…the way you left too…it wasn’t like he knew you’d planning it a few days or something. He just came home to find you angry and you said your leaving. You hurt him…and you didn’t even think about turning around and coming back!” Bobby yelled.

“Bobby listen to me, there’s a lot about this that you don’t know. I was going through a lot…and I needed to clear my mind. I could’ve hurt him pretty badly…I was gone a long time, yes…but I feel like I did what I needed to do, and I’m fine now. I’m not in as bad of shape as I was then. I got the help I needed. I tried to come home earlier but got sick”

Bobby stared at him. “Jon you could’ve gotten better here! There were people here to help you and you didn’t have to leave Ponch behind like that!”

Jon felt anger starting to rise inside him but he tried his best to control it. “Bobby, I know you’re pissed off at me. I did make a lot of mistakes…but I think it was for the best that I was away for as long as I was…or Trevor might not have made it.”

Bobby was silent knowing what Jon meant by that…with how much he pushed Ponch off the bed, and beat on him…who knows what Jon would’ve done to prevent them from having a child if he was still in bad condition like that. But Bobby tried to pretend that it wasn’t really as bad as it sounded…


	13. Chapter 13

The rest of the night went by like a blur. Jon was stressing and worrying over every little thing about Ponch’s condition, and ended up being taken to another room, laid in a bed and given a sedative to get him to go to sleep before he drove even himself crazy.

Bobby stayed with Ponch for most the night. He didn’t care if Jon hated him for that or not, the truth was there wasn’t anything anyone could do to make him leave right now. There was no way he was gonna let his partner lay in a hospital room all alone…what if he woke up and freaked out not knowing where he was?

The next morning Jon came in the room rubbing tiredness from his eyes and sat down hard in a chair. “How is he?”

“No change,” Bobby replied with a yawn.

“Bobby maybe you should go home and get some rest,” Jon suggested.

Bobby shook his head. “No thanks, I’m staying right here.”

Jon nodded knowing that feeling. He had fought with the doctor all night until he was put in bed and asleep. There was no way he was leaving Ponch’s side again.

CHPCHPCHP

Getraer woke up realizing that he had slept at Ponch and Jon’s house. He got off the couch and went to check on each of the kids, they were all still fast asleep. Getraer yawned and went back to the couch. He pulled out his iPhone and sent a message to Jon asking if Ponch had woke up yet. A few minutes later he got a reply that said ‘not yet’ and Getraer just squeezed his eyes shut and looked up and silently prayed that his friend would be waking up soon.

Soon he was sitting with Jess beside him. She had woken up and felt like going to cuddle on the couch with him. She just wanted Ponch and Jon to be home…but Getraer wasn’t too bad. She fell asleep after a few minutes of sitting next to him, so much for saying she wasn’t tired anymore.

CHPCHPCHP

For the next few weeks nothing seemed to be happening. Ponch was in a coma, but that didn’t stop him from healing. Jon wished that Ponch would wake up now…Jon had been there a while waiting for it. Bobby and Jon were growing tired of seeing each other all the time. Once it had reached three months Jon couldn’t even stand it anymore. He wanted Ponch to wake up, and he wanted Bobby to back off. And once again they were having the same argument they’d been having for all three months.

“Look, Bobby I’m his husband I’m not going anywhere,” Jon finally said after Bobby had made a snarky comment.

Bobby looked at him. “Well it’s sure weird of you to show up and suddenly start caring again now when you might be losing him,” Bobby shot back.

Jon was steaming with anger at this guy now. “Bobby, I always have cared about Ponch!”

“Then why’d you ditch him for nine whole months! That sure shows how much you care!”

Here they were having this argument again. Jon wondered when Bobby would finally understand. “I didn’t do it to hurt him, Bobby I did it so I wouldn’t hurt him,” Jon said as calmly as he could manage.

“Oh and by leaving you’re not hurting him?”

“Bobby I told you already, if I would’ve stayed he would’ve been physically injured more. I admit when I got upset I grew a little abusive at times. I…I pushed him around slapped him…” Jon shook his head he couldn’t believe that he had actually done all that, and he hated himself for it. But he had made up his mind back in Wyoming that when he came home he would ask for forgiveness and try not to beat himself up about this his whole life…though it would be difficult.

Bobby stared at him. “I can’t believe you…if you love someone you don’t use your hands to harm them.”

Jon looked at Bobby, how dare he say that to him. He already knew that, and he didn’t need Bobby to remind him. “Bobby, listen I think it’s for the best you get your ass outta here before I kill you. You’ve pushed my buttons way too much the past months weeks and I can’t put up with it anymore.”

Bobby stared at him. “Jon…” he started.

“I’m serious, Bobby.”

“Jon…” Bobby started to say again not looking at him this time.

“Bobby listen…” Jon started but was soon cut off by a familiar voice…only the voice was very quiet and weak.

“J-J-Jon…d-d-don’t…be mad…at…B-B-Bobby.”

Jon turned his head to see what Bobby was looking at and saw Ponch’s eyes were open. A smile spread across Jon’s face. He looked at Bobby and they both smiled.

“That’s what I was trying to tell you, Jon…Ponch is awake.”

Jon moved closer to the bed. “Hi, Ponch.”

Ponch smiled seeing Jon’s face when he woke up was a wonderful surprise. He wasn’t even the slightest bit afraid something would happen, he could sense that he had his old Jon back. The Jon that he loved and got married to, and whoever that Jon was that had beaten him and left him…well he was long gone and never to come back.

“H-Hey, B-B-Baker…”

Jon looked back at Bobby and smiled. “Tell the doctor that Ponch is awake,” he instructed.

For some reason Bobby had this sense of peace that leaving the two of them alone was a good idea. He couldn’t explain it…maybe it was the fact that Ponch hadn’t been upset when he woke up, he was happy to see Jon. So Bobby left the room.

Jon grabbed Ponch’s hand and with the next few minutes brought lots of tears.

“I’m sorry for leaving like I did,” he said fighting the tears in his eyes.

“I’m just glad you’re back,” Ponch said.

“I should’ve come home when I found out you were pregnant with Trevor,” Jon said. He swallowed hard. “I made a lot of stupid mistakes, Ponch…and I regret it…”

“I’m glad that you are okay, Jon. You scared me to death,” Ponch said with tears in his eyes as he started to sit up. His body had pretty much healed up from his injuries while he was in a coma those three months, but he still had a killer headache. “Jon…I know you could’ve come home sooner…but…I’m just glad you didn’t hurt Trevor when you hurt me,” Ponch said.

Jon nodded tears starting to fall. “I never should’ve laid a hand on you…will you ever forgive me?”

“It’s okay, Jon it’s in the past now. I forgive you…you obviously got that help you were looking for because right now I have my old Jon back.”

Jon nodded more tears threatening to fall. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when Trevor was born…and I’m sorry that you got hurt…”

“It’s fine…Bobby took good care of me while you were gone…I didn’t have much time to get mad at you. I’m sorry I got injured too…how are the kids though?”

“They miss you,” Jon said.

“Awe…”

“Yeah I visited a few times but I mostly stayed here with you all three months you’ve been in a coma.”

“Three months?” Ponch asked now starting to cry a little more himself. “I missed three months of being with my family for this?”

“Hey, calm down it’s okay,” Jon said putting a hand on Ponch’s shoulder. “You’re gonna be fine. In fact you pretty much healed from all of your injuries while in a coma…so you can be thankful for that. Besides a possible headache. So you might go home soon,” Jon said.

“I sure hope so.”

Soon the doctor walked in with Bobby close behind.

“How are you feeling, Poncherello?” the doctor asked.

“I feel great except for a headache.”

The doctor nodded. After a little while he left, after informing them they’d be keeping Ponch overnight for observation one more night then he could go home.

CHPCHPCHP

After not having been able to move or walk for three months Ponch was very weak, and Jon had to help him walk to the door when they got home. He’d be getting his strength back soon now that he was awake and could get around.

As soon as Ponch walked through the door he was greeted by his family and Getraer. “Ponch, welcome home!” Getraer said giving him a hug.

“Mommy!” the kids all exclaimed hugging him. Well not all of them. Trevor was asleep. They then hugged Jon. “Daddy!”

“Well looks like the whole family is complete,” Getraer said.

“Thanks so much for watching the kids as much as you did, Sarge,” Ponch said reaching into his wallet for money to pay him.

“Hey, you don’t need to pay me, Frank. I enjoyed watching the kids. I’m glad you’re home.” He gave Ponch a hug then headed for the door.

CHPCHPCHP

Ponch and Jon laid in bed cuddled up together. Ponch smiled. “You have no idea how much I missed this,” he said.

“I missed it too…and when I saw you laying there in the hospital bed…I was half tempted to join you..” Jon admitted turning bright red.

Ponch laughed.

Jon moved closer and began to hug Ponch and started kissing the back of his neck and his shoulders knowing how much Ponch loved that. Ponch just moaned slightly and enjoyed getting this treatment he hadn’t gotten this in a year and three months.

“I love you,” Jon said when he stopped for a second.

“I love you too, Jon.”

“I was a fool to ever leave you.”

“Yeah, you can say that again,” Ponch replied with a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And next part to the series comes out soon.


End file.
